Exhaustion
by Jackie W
Summary: Sam's finally had enough (SJ) Complete!
1. Too Tired to Cope

Title: "Exhaustion"

Author: Jackie W.

Email: PG

Classification: Angst/Romance Season: Season 8 ending

Spoilers: Up through Season 8's Gemini

Summary: She's finally reached her limit. Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes, and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Author's Notes: The break with no new Stargate was getting grueling and the spoilers for season 8 and 9 were flying. Muse wanted to write something that ignored most of them. This is how she thinks Season 8 should end. 

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Sam collapsed without warning in the middle of the busy mess hall causing several colleagues to leap to try to keep her from hitting anything on the way down. She awoke, confused and extremely embarrassed in the infirmary fifteen minutes later. It was hours before she was released, the diagnosis simple exhaustion. Although both Daniel and Teal'c offered to drive her home Sam shooed them back to work and had an airman drive her home, thankful that Pete would still be on duty and she would be able to collapse without any questions or hovering. As she dropped her jacket keys and wallet in their routine spots she heard the annoying beep of the answering machine and knew it would drive her crazy until she unplugged it or at least quickly listened to the messages.

There were seven, all from her future mother-in-law adding more names to the guest list for the wedding. So much for the small intimate wedding she wanted. Sam's list for her side of the family totaled all of fifteen people. Pete's side was now at seventy-five. Hell she might as well invite all of the SGC at this rate. In a fit of spite she gleefully deleted all seven messages, knowing she would pay for it later. Then she set the phone to go directly to the machine and headed to bed. 

Several hours later Pete was surprised to find her in bed asleep. He woke her with a kiss.

"Hey babe. You ok?" he asked.

"Just exhausted," she told him. Then when his hands started wandering she repeated it. "Really exhausted."

Even as he settled into bed she was falling back asleep, and therefore she was extremely annoyed when he reached for her again. In two seconds she was up out of the bed and heading for the door.

"Damn it Pete. I need to sleep. I'm going to the spare room," she complained.

When he left in the morning she was still out like a light and when she finally woke up it was almost ten o'clock. And she still felt like she could sleep for a year. It was a tough thing to admit, but stress and age had finally caught up with Sam Carter.  
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Several months prior, SG1 had been captured by one of Ba'al's minions and Sam had taken the brunt of the questioning as they awaited the System Lord's arrival. Luckily SG3 had gotten there first. Her injuries had healed quickly and so she'd been out in the field again faster than was probably prudent, but she'd assured everyone she was fine, and since they were all used to her bouncing back quickly they had accepted her statement. Unfortunately the next couple of missions had been almost as brutal, with Ba'al gathering strength at every turn, and although there had been no major injuries to SG1, there had also been very little time to regroup before going back out again. The majority of the time Sam had spent on Earth she'd been conferencing with area 51 to design a new weapon for the X302's to use against the improved shielding Ba'al had on his ship. Even the little bit of downtime she'd managed had been far from restful as Pete had pushed her to set a fall wedding date so instead of relaxing there had always been some task that needed her attention. 

Then they had finally defeated Ba'al, and there had been even more work. While Bray'tac, Ry'ac, Ishta and Teal'c had taken control of recruiting the Jaffa into the rebel forces to keep them from defecting to any other System Lord, Daniel had put together teams to visit planets formally under Ba'al's rule to spread the work of his demise and help some of the slave planets on the road to freedom. Sam had her own hands very full. The SGC was now the proud owners of it's own small fleet of Goa'uld ships, the rest having gone to the rebel Jaffa's and Tok'ra. Both the SGC scientists and those at area 51 were busy taking apart the various systems for study. 

Looking back on it, it was hardly surprising that the physical and mental stress had taken a heavy toll on her. Or that now that she'd been ordered off of the base, she wasn't about to argue. She decided to go out on the deck with a stack of science journals and read. She checked in briefly with Daniel, letting him know she was alive and making sure that no crisis had arisen there. Then she stretched out in the early summer sun and eventually, abandoning even the reading, she pulled out a Discman and worked on her tan. 

When she went inside later there were another five messages on the machine and her cell phone was beeping letting her know she had missed calls or messages there too. She checked her pager. Nothing, and since the General had given orders that she was to be paged rather than called, and then only with his permission she knew that none of the other messages were crisis related. She decided to ignore them for the time being. Sitting out in the sun she had noticed the horrible condition her feet were in, and now she made a quick phone call and after a light lunch she took herself off to the day spa for a manicure and pedicure.

She came home hours later feeling much more relaxed. Once she'd gotten to the spa the staff there had easily convinced her to also get a facial and massage, and she had finally and totally relaxed and left her care in their capable hands. Unfortunately, a lot of the good work done to relieve stress and loosen tight muscles was undone within five minutes of walking back into her house. Pete was waiting there with his own agenda and a slew of messages.

"Sam, where have you been? I've been trying to call but you weren't answering your cell. I was worried, " he told her.

"I'm sorry, I really was trying to get away from everything stressful today. I've been given strict orders to take better care of myself or be grounded," Sam told him.

"You do need to take better care of yourself," he agreed pulling her into a hug. "Maybe being grounded wouldn't be such a bad thing. Give your body a break," he suggested.

Sam pulled out of his arms abruptly at that. "Maybe, but when I stop 'traveling' I'd like it to be because I'm ready to, not because I've been grounded," she confessed. 

"I know, but with the wedding to plan I just think it would be less stressful if you didn't have to 'travel' for a bit," he tried to convince her.

"Having a smaller wedding would be less stressful too, but I don't see you suggesting that option," Sam snapped a bit.

"Yeah but that's fun stress, not getting shot at stress," Pete assured her with a grin. "Speaking of which, my Mom called and wanted to know if you two are still on to go dress shopping this weekend."

Sam shuddered at the thought. Pete sure had a twisted idea of what was fun. Irene Shanahan had already sent her a dozen pictures of what she thought would be the perfect dress for her future daughter-in-law. Each had been more dreadful than the one before it. There was no way she could handle shopping with the woman without saying something she would regret later. Without even giving it a second thought she told a bold-faced lie. 

"I doubt it. I'll know for sure after the briefing tomorrow, but if everything has checked out it looks like my team will be gone for three or four days," Sam lied.

SG1 didn't have anything scheduled until the following Monday, but Sam was slowly feeling the walls close in on her and suddenly had a need to get away from everything, And a plan was formulating. First thing the next morning, after deciding that she really did need to do something drastic or risk going crazy, she made several phone calls. The first was to General O'Neill to request a week of down time. The second was to Teal'c. Past experience showed that it was always best for at least one of her teammates to know her whereabouts, and Teal'c was the only once she trusted with the knowledge of what she had planned. Then she called to arrange to get her bike out or storage. She'd been meaning to do it for over a month, but just didn't have the time.

Well she was darn well making the time now. Her final call was to Pete. She had hoped to get his voicemail as she had her speech all planned out, but she caught him at his desk and was forced to tell him the fabrication 'face to face' as it was. She took a deep breath, crossed her fingers and told the man she was going to marry a huge lie.

"I'm headed out. It looks like it might be up to a week long, so if you don't hear anything don't panic. Tell your Mom we will get together as soon as I get back," she assured him.

During the next week she would have plenty of time to think about what a relief it had been to escape without Pete knowing where she was going and what that meant. It would be on about the third day that she would realize that she hadn't even said that she loved him before she hung up and that she actually thought of this little get away as 'escaping'.

Then she would be forced to stop and ask the question; just when did her life turn into something she wanted to escape from?

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TBC 


	2. Escape?

Title: "Exhaustion"

Author: Jackie W.

Email: PG-13

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Her ride had been uneventful. She'd taken her time, enjoying the open road and stopping occasionally to sightsee, and wander through small towns to find a diner instead of stopping at the normal fast food stops just off the interstate. So when she reached her destination she was already beginning to relax. And the instant she stepped inside the front door she felt like the rest of the weight of the world started to lift off of her shoulders.

She spent her first two days being lazy. The weather was a clear and sunny and she was perfectly content to sunbathe for hours at a time, or nap in the shade of a tree. The third day dawned cloudy and a bit cooler and she decided it was perfect for hiking. She ended up at the top of a small ridge with a lovely view spread out in front of her. And this is where she spent the next several hours trying to make sense of her life. When the realization came that she had run away she was a bit shaken. But in the end her logical mind took over and analyzed exactly what she had run away from. She had truly need a break from going through the gate. Physically she knew she had pushed herself way too hard and needed to step back and take better care of herself. The mental stress she finally admitted was because she had let Pete talk her into setting a date for the wedding when she hadn't been ready.

Eventually it started to get dark and she needed to head back. Why she wasn't ready to marry Pete would have to wait for another day's reflection. She felt much better on the hike back to the cabin. She hadn't made any major decisions, but she had come to the conclusion that it was time for some things in her life to change. With Ba'al defeated and the Replicators no longer a threat, maybe the the timing was right to take a step back from all the fighting.

And she was going to need to talk to Pete about postponing the wedding until she was ready. 

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She had called Teal'c when she'd originally arrived to tell him she was safe and sound. She had debated calling Daniel, but knew he would want to explore her feelings over the phone and she was still way to exhausted for that. Unfortunately that left Daniel to worry about her and after a few days he decided to drop by and see how she was doing. A very confused and worried Pete answered the door.

"What are you doing here? Is Sam ok? Is she hurt?" he demanded.

"Whoa! No I actually just stopped by to see her," Daniel replied.

Pete paused. "She's not here. She told me your team was going out for up to a week," he said, more to himself than to Daniel.

Daniel realized his mistake instantly. And he saw the moment when Pete got it.

Oops.  
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Daniel paged her. There was no way he could let her come back and be blindsided by the fact that Pete knew she hadn't been off world. So he'd talked it over with Teal'c and Jack and they had agreed. She hadn't really been too surprised or upset. She'd figured there was a possibility that it would come out.

"So why lie?" Daniel asked.

"Honestly Daniel, I just wanted to get away by myself and it would have been very difficult to do if I had told him the truth. Pete would have wanted to come with and I didn't have the energy to argue," Sam explained.

"So are you feeling better?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, much better. How is everything there? I haven't missed any major intergalactic calamities have I?" Sam asked. 

"No, it seems like they are all holding off until you get back," Daniel teased.

"Great. Now there's an incentive to return if ever I heard one," Sam complained sarcastically.

"Seriously, we all miss you. And we are all worried. You always push yourself too hard. I'm glad you are taking this break," Daniel told her. "But we will all be relieved when you get back if only so Jack can go back to being his normal grouchy self. Right now the grouchiness had ratcheted up a couple of notches and he's driving us all crazy," Daniel admitted.

"I'm sure that has nothing to do with me, Daniel," Sam protested with a sigh.

"Sam, don't be so naïve. It has everything to do with you," Daniel told her.

The tension that she had finally worked out of her neck muscles was suddenly back with a vengeance. 

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Pete called an hour later and that call threatened to disintegrate into a shouting match. Sam kept her cool, refusing to tell Pete where she was which for some reason was driving him crazy.

"Pete it's not as if you could even get here before it was time for me to pack up my bike and head back," she told him.

"So you are more than just a few hours away," he deduced.

"Yes, Detective, I am," Sam replied.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I just miss you. Besides I have a surprise for you. When will you be home?" he asked.

"Late the day after tomorrow," she told him, then added. "Pete I really hate surprises. What's up?"

"You'll love this one. Trust me babe," he teased.

They ended the call then, but Sam vowed something to herself. She was going to put her foot down on a few things when she got home. She'd been way too accommodating in this relationship so far, afraid of rocking the boat when Pete was being so understanding about her commitment to her job.

And one of the first things she was going to request was that he never call her 'babe' again.

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Sam spent her last day cleaning up any sign that she had ever been occupying the small cabin. When she had decided that she needed to get away, the only place that she could think of had been the cabin that Jack O'Neill had tried on several occasions to get her to. Somehow she didn't think the General would see the irony. So she made sure that he would never know that she had been there.

The ride home was uneventful and she once again let the open road lull her into a sense of peace. She had left at first light, but still it was almost midnight when she pulled her bike around back of her house and began to unload. Pete must have been waiting for her because he was suddenly there wrapping her in a hug.

"Missed you," he murmured before giving her a kiss.

She mumbled something that sounded like she had missed him too, then succumbed to such a huge yawn that she couldn't help but laugh.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you, buy I think eighteen hours on the road was too much for this old body. A rude reminder that I'm not twenty anymore," she sighed.

"I waited up to talk to you," he complained.

"Can't it wait until tomorrow?" she asked, then seeing that he looked determined she relented. "All right, I guess I can mange to stay upright for a bit. That is if you drag my bag in for me," she agreed, kicking herself mentally for already going back on her resolution to stand up for what she wanted.

His big surprise was that his mother had offered to take over all of the wedding plans, and that the invitations had been ordered in her absence. Needless to say her decision to postpone the wedding wasn't taken well. Their discussion had degenerated into yelling in the blink of the eye. Pete wanted to know where she'd been, and when she vaguely told him she'd borrowed a friend's cabin he'd fired question after question at her. What friend? Had she spent the entire time alone? Why hadn't she let him know where she was going?

Finally he turned on her with a scowl, "I'm not throwing away good money canceling the invitations without some explanations. Come on babe, you've got to admit the whole thing seems a bit shady!"

Suddenly Sam understood her reluctance to marry the man. He was no better than Jonas Hansen had been, he just masked his controlling nature with a goofy grin an puppy dog eyes. Not having any reason to keep the peace now that realization had struck, she let loose with her own complaints.

"I hate it when you call me babe. And I didn't tell you where I was going because I wanted to be alone. And I was. Totally alone. I don't appreciate you suggesting otherwise. Are you done interrogating me now?" she demanded.

"Hell no. Damn it Sam I deserve some answers!" he yelled grabbing her by the arm as she tried to pass.

She glared at where his hand touched her. "At this point you deserve a kick in the ass. I suggest you take your hand off me and let me go to bed. Alone," she told him in a calm level voice.

"Or what? You're going to give me that ass kicking?" he sneered. A moment later he found himself looking up at her from his prone position on the floor, and he watched, slightly dazed, as she took off her ring, put it on the table and went to the bedroom, locking the door behind her.

Well he'd remember never to ask that question again.

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TBC 


	3. Regaining Control

Title: "Exhaustion" 

Author: Jackie W.

Email: PG-13

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Despite the sudden vanishing act her personal life had just performed, Sam decided she still wanted to cut back on her trips through the gate, so she set up a meeting with the General. He was only slightly surprised by the request, figuring she wanted more time to spend with Pete to plan the wedding. He agreed to lend Daniel and Teal'c out for a month and then they would meet again. By then he figured she would be well rested, and might have changed her mind. She agreed.

She didn't tell anyone of her breakup with Pete. She was slightly overwhelmed by the concern and well wishes of both her military and scientific colleagues as it was, and decided she didn't want their pity too. The one good thing that occurred was that the General began to stop in her lab again to make sure she was eating and sleeping, a practice that had ceased ever since they'd both been promoted and she'd started seeing Pete.

Funny, although she had missed his visits, she had never thought to wonder what had been the cause of the change in routine. She's just assumed that he no longer thought it appropriate now that she wasn't his 2IC and he had twenty-three team leaders to worry about. Now with the clarity of hindsight she wondered if it had been her relationship with Pete that had stopped him from checking up on her.

Now however, without knowing that she'd broken it off with Pete he'd started stopping by again, and she found herself looking forward to his visits. So much so that when he went to Washington for a day she realized that she missed Jack more than she missed Pete. As she sat in her lab unable to focus she finally was forced to laugh at her own foolishness. It seemed that ever since her little solo vacation she was no longer in denial about a lot of things.

By the end of the first week she felt able to face up to Pete and the ending of their relationship, so after spending several nights on base she went home, making sure she arrived when she knew he would be working.

There waiting for her were two dozen roses, one of which was starting to wilt, and one which looked fresh. Obviously he'd been hoping she'd come home sooner. There was note on each apologizing and begging forgiveness. Her ring was sitting open in its jeweler's box on her dresser with another note asking her to reconsider.

She closed the box with a soft thud.

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Three hours later she had firmly told Pete that he had two days to move out of her house. Then she headed back to the base. Once there she was too wired from the confrontation to go to sleep, so she headed to her lab instead of her quarters. To her surprise Jack O'Neill popped his head in an hour later.

"Sir, what are you still doing here?" she asked looking at the time and seeing that it was almost midnight.

"I could ask you the same thing, Carter. I had a team late in checking in. What's your excuse?" he asked.

"I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get some paperwork done," she said, giving him a half-truth.

"And the reason you are here not able to sleep instead of at home where you can at least relax is…?" he prodded.

She resolutely stared at the floor and stammered out something inane about needing to get back into the swing of things at work. But she didn't really think he bought it.  
With a sigh Jack looked over at her, noticing her tense shoulders and inability to look him in the eye. Something was wrong, but she obviously wasn't in the mood to share.

"Just don't push yourself too hard, Carter. You scared the crap out of us when you collapsed. For the first couple of years that we knew you we all kept waiting for you to crash and burn with the hours you keep, but we finally got used to you being the energizer bunny. Then you go and pull this. Now we don't know what to do, let you work like normal or make you slow down. Not to mention we all feel guilty for letting you get to that point without noticing you were in trouble," Jack confessed.

Sam looked up at that last bit. "It wasn't your fault. I let things get out of control. I won't let it happen again," she promised.

"Good because even though you look more rested after your little vacation, you don't look any less stressed," Jack pointed out.

"I'm working on that part," she assured him with a wry smile.

And indeed when she went home two days later and looked around her house which was now devoid of any sign of Pete any feeling of sadness and regret was almost immediately chased away by a feeling of freedom that she was surprised. When had her relationship with Pete turned into a millstone around her neck? Did she value her independence so much that ending a relationship should fill her with a quiet joy?

And if that was the case, what did it say about her ability to have a relationship or any type of life outside of the SGC?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Over the next week Sam tried to keep her mood swings to herself. Mostly she was back to the old Sam of a year ago, dedicated and driven in her career, she still occasionally let the real Sam Carter with the wicked sense of humor and a bit of a daredevil attitude slip through to her close friends. But now there were moments of melancholy that worried the three men closest to her, until finally she admitted at lunch one day that she had broken up with Pete.

The three made the appropriate conciliatory noises, but she brushed them off.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not the type of person that can maintain any type of relationship. Look at my track record. Two failed engagements, not to mention my pitiful record of dating. I'm not willing to bend enough to make anything work long-term. I'm too focused on this place and everything that goes along with my position here, and anything else just gets in the way," she told them.

There wasn't much they could say to that. They could totally understand those sentiments as none of them could currently claim a close relationship except for Teal'c and his was the ultimate in long-distance romances. Still, it didn't seem right for Sam. In a lot of ways she was the glue that held them all together. She had already sacrificed so much that it didn't seem fair to the three men who cared about her that she didn't have some happiness in her life.

So it wasn't really any surprise that each of them felt compelled to stop by her lab over the course of the afternoon and let her know that she was mistaken. Daniel never known for his subtlety or fear of stepping on people's toes was the first to drop by.

"You are wrong you know. Romance might be eluding you, but it's not your fault. If anything is keeping you from finding love its fate, or destiny. Because it's impossible not to love you," he confessed. When she looked startled at that declaration he smiled.

"Not necessarily that type of love Sam," he told her. "Teal'c and I love you, but we are not in love with you. But we would kill for you as would most of the men on this base, from Siler to the Marines."

It was only after he left that she realized that he had not included the General in that group.

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Teal'c stopped by next.

"Peter Shanahan was not the mate for you," he told her simply.

"No, he wasn't," Sam admitted.

"The perfect mate is worth waiting for," he advised

She looked at him with wide eyes. Teal'c simply nodded and left her wondering just what he had meant by that comment. There were two ways to interpret it. She hadn't met the perfect man yet, but that it would be worth the wait, or….

Even as the other meaning danced in her head the object of speculation stepped into the room causing her to blink to assure herself that he wasn't an illusion.

"Eight years," was his cryptic greeting.

She blinked a few more times, this time in momentary confusion. She was used to Jack O'Neill being vague and deciphering the meaning behind his words was a particular talent of hers. But this time she was having trouble believing what he was telling her. He couldn't still feel the same. If he'd had any lingering feelings for her she surely had killed them off with her engagement to Pete. No she was sure he didn't still feel the same.

She'd given him plenty of chances in the last year to let her know and he'd taken none of them. Not the time she'd come back from the Prometheus and called him Jack, or after Janet died when she'd cried in his arms. Not the time she'd gone to his house after he'd downloaded the knowledge of the Ancients into his thick Irish head, or later on the ship when she tried to corner him again. Not even when she'd practically asked him to stop her from saying yes to Pete's proposal.

Jack looked at her waiting. He could actually see the wheels turning as she thought over what he'd just said. Now he was waiting for some sign that she understood. He hadn't come in here to declare his undying love, that wasn't his style. But that one short statement was meant to remind her that there was one relationship she had maintained for eight years that hadn't diminished and never would. But the light bulb wasn't going off. When had she lost her ability to read his mind?

"Damn it Sam, don't make me say it," he thought then at the widening of her eyes realization dawned. "Out loud?"

She nodded and he started to see a small grin form. He hoped that was a good sign.

Sam was too stunned for words. He still felt the same. After all this time, and all of the ups and downs and heartache and miscommunication. That was really something. Something real. Her grin grew. She'd never stopped loving him, she'd just lost hope. Pete was meant to be a fling. Truth be told, she was using him for the sex at first. Then she'd realized she enjoyed having some romance in her life. Still, all the while she'd been watching and waiting for a reaction.

It had never come until now, and even now she was assuming a lot. Damn it, if she was going to take the next obvious step she needed to hear the words.

"Sam?" Jack prodded at her continued silence.

"I'm afraid I am," she replied, then realizing that she'd probably lost him she added, "Going to make you say it."

He glanced at the camera in the corner.

"There's no audio," she reminded him.

She'd never seen the look that he currently was sporting. It was somewhat like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, but there was a determined set to his jaw. She almost reached out to apologize and tell him it was ok, but some insecure little part of her insisted that she needed to know for sure.

Jack on his part was unable to connect his brain with his mouth in any way, shape, or form. He knew what he wanted to say, but he also knew that the words would never come out the way he wanted them to sound. So he settled for keeping it simple.

"I love you. I have for a very long time. I probably always will," he told her.

Sam Carter closed her eyes and took a long slow breath. Several emotions where fighting for dominance. A large part of her wanted her to fling herself into his arms. Then she thought about how long she'd been waiting for him to say it and a bit of anger surfaced. Then there was frustration over their situation.

Suddenly she realized that it would all be ok. While she might have been too wrapped up in her career before, she knew needed some changes in her life. And if she made the right changes she could still work at the SGC and have a chance at true happiness with the man in front of her.

The man who was looking at her waiting for her to respond to his declaration and appearing more nervous by the minute.

"I thought you had stopped wanting me that way. I kept trying to get you to tell me you still cared, but you kept pushing me away," she admitted.

"I wanted you to be happy," Jack shrugged.

"And you didn't think I could be happy with you? You are such an idiot! I was dying a little more inside each time you pulled further away!" she declared forcefully.

"You were?" he asked.

"Of course I was. I've loved you for a very long time, too. And if I'd thought we had any chance I would have waited forever. But you made it increasingly clear that you no longer cared for me that way, so I did what I had to. Pete at least made it stop hurting so much," she confessed.

Suddenly Jack, who had been fidgeting through most of the conversation stood as still as a stone.

"You love me?" he asked in disbelief.

Sam smiled slightly before responding. "Yes I do, you fool. And maybe we should continue this conversation later off base. "

His eyes burned with desire for a moment before she saw the walls go back up. "That would probably be a bad idea, Colonel," he told her, reminding her of the large looming reason that they had never discussed this before.

"Not going to work General. You see I'm exhausted. Burned out. I might even have to accept a medical discharge," she told him.

"Like hell you will!" Jack declared loudly.

"Yep, no longer fit to lead SG1. I thought you should know as soon as possible so you can start looking for a replacement," she continued undaunted.

"Sam you are not resigning," Jack tried again, more gently this time.

"I can barely concentrate on my lab work, what with the stress of leading SG1 and all of the paperwork involved," Sam complained. "And combining the two leaves no time for a private life. After eight years I think I deserve a life outside this mountain."

"Of course you do, but you don't have to resign to get it," Jack argued.

"No, but I've already decided to cut back on going through the gate. And I don't need a rank to work in the labs," Sam pointed out.

Jack frowned and nodded, trying to catch up with all of the events of the last few minutes. Finally he sighed. "Maybe we do need to talk about this someplace else. I'll pick up pizza and bring it over to your place. Say 20:00?"

Sam agreed and after Jack left she sank down on her stool in a weary heap. It felt as if she'd fought the battle of her lifetime.

But then that was what it had been, a battle to regain control of her life.

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TBC


	4. Time for a Change

Title: "Exhaustion"

Author: Jackie W.

Email: PG-13

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Sam's first instinct on getting home was to tear through her closet looking for the perfect outfit. But after staring at her available options for a good five minutes she came to her senses and realized that this was Jack she was meeting. She settled on a form fitting pair of black jeans and a bright pink sweater. She did however change out of her plain white bra and panties, and into something a bit less practical. Not that she planned on Jack seeing the pale pink lace items, they just gave her confidence a boost.

When Jack arrived he once again tried to talk her out of resigning as they ate their pizza. Finally she'd had enough. She picked up their dirty dishes and put them in the sink, then walked back out to where Jack was sitting on the couch, sat down next to him, and leaned over to kiss him.

Jack didn't realize her intent until the moment her lips touched his. And by then it was far too late. Consequences be damned, Sam Carter was kissing him and he'd be a fool to let this opportunity pass him by. Just in case it was the last chance he ever got he let himself enjoy it, and he made sure that each sensation was indelibly engraved in his memory.

When they finally broke apart and caught their breath Sam smiled at him and said, "So you were saying?"

"You can't resign. We need you too much," Jack told her trying to make her feel guilty.

"What about what I need? Remember the whole embarrassing sprawl in the middle of the commissary?" she pointed out. "It's going to happen again if I don't have regular doses of stress relief."

"We could hire a masseuse," Jack suggested.

"Not the type of stress relief I'm talking about. Although what I'm thinking about does involve laying down, bare skin and lots of touching," she told him. "Besides if what you say is true, I imagine that an offer will be made that I can live with. As long as it absolves me of living by the regs."

"You are really serious about this," Jack said in surprise.

"Yeah. You know I've been going through the gate longer than anyone at the SGC other than Teal'c. It takes it toll. And I'm not saying I never want to go through again but I do think it's time to take a step back. Concentrate on the science and hopefully minimize any further trauma to my body. And certainly lower the stress o f trying to be a team leader, keep everything in the labs going and have time to actually leave the mountain. And I know I could just request a transfer to the labs and not resign my commission, but I want to give us a chance to have a real relationship, maybe even have kids," she explained. "I know Pete was a stupid mistake, but in a lot of ways he helped me. I remembered what it's like to be part of a couple and do things together. It was fun even if I was always subconsciously wishing I could be with you instead of Pete."

"You want kids?" Jack asked, latching onto the one part of the explanation that surprised him.

Sam gave him a shrug. "If I can even have them, yeah, I think I do," she admitted. Jack thought back through the years and the various traumas that Carter had been through. After Jolinar they had all wondered if she could recover from such a terrifying event. She had surprised a lot of people. So when she'd been taken over by the entity two years later, once they knew they had her back none of them had been surprised at how fast she'd bounced back. Her kidnapping had taken a bit longer for her to get over. By the time she got infested with another Goa'uld in Stevson it had been such a non-event that he hadn't learned about it until a month later.

And those were just the major physical traumas. Throw in minor injuries, getting tortured by the Replicators several times, and by that Goa'uld several month ago, plus constantly being looked at to save the world and it was pretty miraculous that she had lasted this long. He couldn't in good conscious try any further to talk her out of this, especially since a large part of him was jumping up and down with joy.

"So, you want to stay on Earth and help me run the program?" he asked.

"Yes. I know we'll make a great team," she agreed.

"In more ways than one," he teased, starting to relax and realize what this meant. "Have the paperwork on my desk in the morning and I will pass it along ASAP," he told her as he got up and headed for the door. This whole conversation hadn't turned out the way he'd planned, but he couldn't say he was sorry. But now it was time to make a strategic retreat before they did anything they would regret later. They'd already technically crossed the line.

But Sam wasn't ready to let him go so easily.

"One more thing," she said making him pause at the door. "Assuming everything goes through smoothly,"

"Which I'm going to make damn sure it does," he told her.

"Will you go out to dinner with me?" Sam requested a bit nervously.

"Carter, I'll not only take you out to dinner, I'll make sure there is cake," he assured her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

There was cake. A huge cake and a party. Even though Sam was staying put at the SGC, Jack arranged a party for her to officially welcome her as the new head of the expanded science department at the SGC. With Dr. Samantha Carter on-world almost full time now, the SGC was given an expanded research role. All of the scientists were thrilled. It would give then more time with the alien technology before it was shipped off to area 51.

Teal'c and Daniel had been less thrilled. Although happy for Sam, and for Jack too although neither of their friends had said anything yet, they were now left without a military leader for SG1. The situation had been resolved unexpectedly two day ago though. SG2 had lost a member to a staff weapons blast several months ago and had not found a permanent replacement yet. Then earlier in the week, Captain Stevenson had announced she was pregnant and resigning from the Air Force, leaving Lt. Colonel Griff and Lt. Benson all alone also. Griff had quickly suggested a merging of the two teams. He respected Teal'c and his abilities and had been out enough times backing up SG1 to know Daniel's strengths and weaknesses. He thought the four of them would be a good mix. Jack had gone to the remaining members of SG1 to ask their opinions and they had surprised him by agreeing that it made sense and was worth a try.

"I expected an argument," he told them after they responded favorably.

"We've been talking over the possibilities. We didn't know about Stevenson, so merging SG1 and SG2 didn't occur to us. We certainly like the idea better than anything else we came up with. Griff is a good guy. We should all get along fine," Daniel explained.

And so with less fuss than anybody had hoped for, Sam resigned from active duty and stepped into her fulltime role as head of the labs. And as they celebrated the fact the betting pools all got a good dusting off and wagers were being placed at a fast and furious rate. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Epilogue

The scene just over a year later was eerily familiar. Sam had just set her lunch down on the table when the room started to lose focus. She must have called out because instantly Teal'c had a chair under her and was easing her down onto it even as Daniel was telling her to put her head down between her knees. Five minutes later she was in the infirmary. At least this time she'd gotten there under her own power. An hour later she was once again headed home for two days of enforced rest. This time Jack was driving her and would probably stay home and fuss over her the entire time. She decided to let her husband have these two days to pamper her. Then she would firmly put her foot down.

After all she wasn't an invalid. She was simply pregnant.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The End 


End file.
